Image29: Craig
Back To: The Tyranny of Materiality
The following group of photos are in a framed collage in my home office . . . the images are alive whereas Craig isn't . . . having the images accessible has helped me to cope with his death in January 1998 after he hit a tree on his snowmobile . . .
"ALL
WE WANT IS A HEADRUSH
ALL WE WANT IS TO GET OUT OF OUR SKIN FOR A
WHILE
WE HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE BECAUSE WE
DON'T HAVE ANYTHING
ANYTHING WE WANT ANYWAY...
WE USED TO HATE PEOPLE
NOW WE JUST MAKE FUN OF THEM
IT'S MORE EFFECTIVE THAT WAY
WE DON'T LIVE
WE JUST SCRATCH ON DAY TO DAY
WITH NOTHING BUT MATCHBOOKS AND
SARCASM IN OUR POCKETS
AND ALL WE ARE WAITING FOR
IS FOR SOMETHING WORTH WAITING FOR
LET'S ADMIT AMERICA GETS THE CELEBRITIES WE
DESERVE
LET'S STOP SAYING "DON'T QUOTE ME"
BECAUSE IF NO ONE QUOTES YOU
YOU PROBABLY HAVEN'T SAID A THING WORTH
SAYING
Sex, drugs, god, cash, America
WE
NEED SOMETHING TO KILL THE PAIN
OF ALL THAT NOTHING INSIDE
WE ALL JUST WANT TO DIE A LITTLE BIT
WE FEAR THAT POP-CULTURE
IS THE ONLY CULTURE WE'RE EVER GOING TO HAVE
WE WANT TO STOP READING MAGAZINES
STOP WATCHING TV
STOP CARING ABOUT HOLLYWOOD
BUT WE'RE ADDICTED TO THE THINGS WE HATE
WE DON'T RUN WASHINGTON AND NO NONE REALLY
DOES
ASK NOT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR COUNTRY
ASK WHAT YOUR COUNTRY DID TO YOU
Sex, drugs, god, cash, America
THE
ONLY REASON THAT YOU'RE STILL ALIVE IS BECAUSE SOMEONE
HAS DECIDED TO LET YOU LIVE
WE OWE SO MUCH MONEY WE'RE NOT BROKE WE'RE
BROKEN
WE'RE SO POOR WE CAN'T EVEN PAY ATTENTION
SO WHAT DO YOU WANT
YOU WANT TO BE FAMOUS AND RICH AND HAPPY
BUT YOU'RE TERRIFIED YOU HAVE NOTHING TO
OFFER THIS WORLD
NOTHING TO SAY AND NO WAY TO SAY IT
BUT YOU CAN SAY IT IN THREE LANGUAGES
YOU ARE MORE THAN THE SUM OF WHAT YOU CONSUME
DESIRE IS NOT AN OCCUPATION
YOU ARE ALTERNATELY THRILLED AND DESPERATE
SKYHIGH AND FUCKED
LET'S STOP PRAYING FOR SOMEONE
TO SAVE US AND START SAVING OURSELVES
LET'S STOP THIS AND START OVER
LET'S GO OUT -- LET'S KEEP GOING
Sex, drugs, god, cash, America
THIS
IS YOUR LIFE -- THIS IS YOUR FUCKING LIFE
WE NEED SOMETHING TO KILL
THE PAIN OF ALL THAT NOTHING INSIDE
QUIT WHINING YOU HAVEN'T DONE
ANYTHING WRONG BECAUSE FRANKLY
YOU HAVEN'T DONE MUCH OF ANYTHING
SOMEONE'S WRITING DOWN YOUR MISTAKES
SOMEONE'S DOCUMENTING YOUR DOWNFALL"
It seems impossible that the mechanization of a camera, combined with the human counterpart clicking the button [Amy M.], with additive effects of all statistical possibilities, can harness this synchronized chunk of life . . . Craig was my first love and I can honestly say he was the first to mangle my heart into an irreversible tainted entity but I still cared as dysfunction was status quo . . . when we were going together we were soooo young . . . as we grew older it was plain to see that he could be a nightmare as a boyfriend . . . we were very close and I would characterize Craig as one of my best friends . . . we shared a connection that had nothing to do with sexuality once Craig met Sharon and I dated Scott . . . we did have some wild escapades: in the shed next to my trailer across the road from his house . . . Jerry Gage's jeep . . . Mike B.'s house . . . the lawn right under my father's bedroom window . . . Glennie's back yard by the trees . . .my bedroom until my parents drove up so we scooted out to the living room in record time . . . I used to do Craig's homework [for other friends as well] . . . I had a flat tire on my car once with no money to get a new tire . . . Craig found one somewhere and put it on my car . . . the stipulation: do his homework for the rest of the year . . . it was a good deal since I was already doing it anyway . . . Craig went to BOCES too: he was in the Welding class . . . we were all supposed to ride a school bus from our school to BOCES but lots of us blew it off . . . once Craig had some grubby truck and he and I ducked out and jumped in to head out for BOCES . . . there was some problem with it and the bus was right behind us with smoke pouring out the back of the truck . . .
Bridger Bash '93 . . . flaming pustule on my lip . . .
Sharon is the sweetest kindest person that I've ever encountered . . . I was never jealous of Sharon as she was so unique: I borrowed her clothes, winter jackets, sneakers [Nikes of course] and spent so much time at her house . . . hardly anyone knew the turmoil she lived with and Sharon never spoke of it . . . I would have done anything for her . . .
Craig
and
Our 10 year high school reunion . . .
From left: Kurt, Craig, Mike B. . . . Budweisers all around . . . October 1994 . . . an interesting reunion . . .
Craig
just had wisdom teeth pulled: you can see the swelling in his cheek . . .
for those of us familiar with Craig we'd probably assume the lump was chewing
tobacco, though I know he always placed his Skoal in
between his front lip and gum . . . his jeans had those tell-tale round faded
impressions from carrying the tin in his pocket(s) . . . I tried Skoal once and Craig was there -- he may have even
been the one who whipped out the tin . . . I was impeccably tough and suave
during the overwhelming nausea and disgust . . . I did almost puke when I spit
the chew out but I didn't . . . Sue was there and we were hanging out on Glennie's lawn . . . it's interesting how cruel Craig and I
were toward each other . . . he used to change lyrics to fit his purposes, such
as REO Speedwagon's song "Heard it from a
Friend" . . . he'd sing, "Caught it from a friend who, caught
it from a friend who, caught it from Conni now it's
all over town" . . . I wrote Craig's Senior Quote, adapting it
specifically for him . . . Click
here to Check Out the Original Version of the Poem